10 years later and regaining perspectives

 It is now 2021 and hard to believe its been 10 years since I last wrote about my life on the road.  A lot has happened and life has taken some twists and turns.  As the world starts recovering from a global pandemic, my life choices are currently undergoing internal reflection in order to regain some perspective.   While I didn't realize it at the time, some decisions made set us and our family down a rocky road. 

In the course of navigating this rocky road, I became bitter, resentful and jealous.  This bitterness, resentfulness and jealousy took root in my heart and continued to grow and became so deeply rooted that  I never realized how  deep it went  nor that it would be the cause of the worst kind of betrayal against the two people who loved and cared for me the most. 

Recently, these feelings have been revealed and I am currently in the mist of a months- long reflection of my character in order to smoothen out the road.  We are not promised that there will be no trials and tribulations if we chose to follow Christ.  It is how you handle them that determines the smoothness of the road.

I have been attempting to repair the damaged relationships and while it may not be possible to have the same one, nor would the same one be good as it would be continuing down the same rocky road, I prayerfully hope that a good one can be restored, one that is better and stronger than before.

My favorite ice cream flavor is Rocky Road.  The mix of chocolate, marshmallows and almonds is delightfully delicious but I have discovered that the rocky roads of life are not as delightful  nor as enjoyable.

Matthew 13:18-22

18 Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower.

19 When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side.

20 But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it;

21 Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended.

22 He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful.

For love of the Game

I don't remember the EXACT moment I started loving Major League Baseball.  I do remember it was sometime in the late 1980's, after I had graduated from high school.  I NEVER attended a game with my father( or grandfather). My family were casual fans at best. Anyway, because I lived in Southern California I had numerous teams to choose from. My first choice was the California Angels. They were a scrappy, gritty team that didn't mind leaving the field with a dirty uniform. I was drawn to two players in particular, one a pitcher with only one arm(Jim Abbott) and a small sparkplug of a shortstop(David Eckstein). Both got my attention NOT because one was missing a limb or one was so tiny compared to the other players but because they were playing a game they loved and loving every minute of it even though people had told them they would never play professionally.  I was always quite small for my age and had health issues as a young child and I HATED being told I couldn't do something.  It made me want to prove to people I could do things even if it was different.  I realized, just like Mr. Abbott & Mr. Eckstein probably did that I could do things others did, I just had to do it differently to accomplish the same goal.

This year, 2011 the Angels celebrated 50 years of existence as a Major League Baseball team.  I am always excited for the new season to start and was even more so this special year.  I took to twitter and Facebook on game days to vent frustrations with fellow Angels devotees when the team lost, and cheered when I heard " Light up the Halo", as that meant the Angels had won. This special year also allowed me to earn some tickets to see my beloved team play in Anaheim, which I did on September 25, 2011 during the last week of the season, where I got to meet some of the Angels twitter family that were venting & cheering right along with me.  So over 20 years AFTER I had picked the Angels as my team I finally got to see them play in person!!!  It was a day that I will always remember, even though the Angels lost, the memories of meeting new friends will last a lifetime.  Might not have met them if not for the love of a game and a team. Long after these pictures fade, I will have pictures on my heart of that day in September that I saw my Angels play. Thanks for the memories!!!!

  As iron sharpens iron,
      so a friend sharpens a friend.------- Proverbs 27:17(NLT)

Tribute to Moms

 I am finding it difficult to write about  Mother's Day(even though I really feel like I should) because I am NOT on speaking tearms with my own. Not sure if it's difficult because it makes me sad that I don't have the relationship others do or because it makes me mad that life choices made by both of us have lead to bitterness, resentment, and hurt feelings, maybe it's a bit of both.
Rather than go into any detail(maybe I will in another post), let me just give the basics.  See I was a premature baby with numerous health issues as an infant and young child, which lead to an introverted, shy, afraid of authority(like a teacher) child.  Because of the policies at the time, I was allowed to begin my school career at age 4, when I lacked the mental comprehension or the physical stature to handle the stresses. When issues arose based on my lack of understanding, I wasn't given any guidance as to how to handle it.  I lacked friendships in school that I needed for my social development because my mom didn't like any of the students that wanted to help me.  Also because of my lack of understanding, I was NOT raised to be a mom. I think I looked at kids as dolls that you play with not really understanding that they are dependent on me for the essentials of living.
Thankfully, after much soul searching and prayer, I realized that I had limitations, and those limitations prevented me from being the parent that my children needed, so they live with a swell lady(who is a sister in every way that matters, except by blood) who is an AWESOME mom.  I like to think that I am too, for I made the best decision I could for them and they are happy and healthy.  I wish my own mom had understood that.
As a Christian, I am commanded to honor my father and MOTHER. For many years, I found that difficult to do, especially with my mom as I was equating honor with respect.  I couldn't honor her if I didn't respect her.   I still think it's unlikely I will ever communicate with her again, but I think I'm beginning  to understånd what is meant by honor and why are are put in the families we are.  Without the mom I had, I would NOT be here. Without the mom I had, I would NOT have found an awesome mom for my kids.  So for that I say, THANKS MOM!!!

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Exodus 20:12 (King James Version)

West Virginia Winter

Over our Christmas break, hubby and I had remarked to each other and some friends that we had experienced a mild winter, with only a few days of rain and cold but NOT snow and how blessed we felt that our winter up until then had been relatively stress free and, well boring.  I didn't think about it at the time, but mentioning that was probably NOT a good thing to do.  From our ten plus years on the road, it serves us well to NOT become complacent or lulled into thinking we will NOT have a problem.

For the next two weeks after coming back, we still didn't have any real issues, but sometimes when you least expect it you get thrown a curveball. That curveball left us stuck on a slippery, snowy mountain with an empty trailer in West Virginia.

On Wednesday, I was awakened by hubby because it had started snowing pretty heavily, and he wanted me to get up and sit in the passenger seat.  I am sometimes up later than him, but he has ALWAYS told me  that if the weather is bad, he wants me sitting up front. I hurriedly got dressed and did what he asked.  The weather that day was NOT that good at all and it made more stress that we had an empty trailer.  We pulled into a rest area to wait out the storm, but it had tapered off some so we decided to keep going to our pickup point.  Less than a mile from the rest area, the interstate was closed due to an overturned truck that had spilled its load of canned goods. The cars had been allowed to continue as they were small enough to squeeze thru the lane that was opened, but partially blocked( The truck took up a lane and a half). After a long wait, a few hours at least, the lane was cleared enough for trucks to continue moving.  While the roads were snow covered in spots, it was okay to drive on.  About 40 minutes from our pickup point, the snow got really heavy again. To reach the shipper, we had to climb a long winding mountain, we were making it okay even at a reduced speed, but we had to slow down even further when the truck in front of us started sliding and got stuck, but was able to get free and continue.  For some reason, maybe because we were practically stopped and more than half way  up the mountain, we could NOT get enough speed and ended up stuck.

Thanks to the local fire department and a plow driver, we were able to get moving again, but I was getting worried that we might be stuck there all night.  We made it to our pickup point where they loaded our trailer and pointed us to a safe parking spot for the night. All of the help we received was greatly appreciated!!! Wish I would have been able to do more to show it as just saying "Thank You" doesn't seem to be enough in situations like these.


The point of this story is even though we had been doing this for years, we still had a problem, I'm sure some who might NOT have known hubby's level of experience would have thought he was a rookie, but these types of situations can happen to anyone at any time no matter how many years experience they have.  It happened to us and it can happen to you.  I hope that even non-truckers can learn by this experience, at least I hope so. I KNOW, this trucker's wife learned a lesson that night on a slippery, snowy mountain during a West Virginia winter.

Lamentations 3:22 (New Living Translation)

 The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

  His mercies never cease.

A Lesson Learned

LIfe on the road has it ups and downs.  It can also have some light-hearted moments of stupidity that you just have to laugh. A few days ago we had a delivery in Laredo, Texas. After dropping off at the company terminal and waiting for the next load, I decided to go ahead and wash the clothes to be ready for another couple weeks of probably very hard driving with very little breaks except for the federally mandated ones, as miles usually start to pick up in October as businesses start preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

For some reason, I do NOT like washing clothes, don't know if its because the clothes get dirtier or the machines just don't work good enough. After all, most truckers I meet don't seem to realize that greasy shirts and pants need to be washed differently.

Anyway, our dirty laundry is kept in one of those military duffel bags( sea bags), when I get to a terminal or home I wash what is in the bag.  Of course, it is a little hard for me to carry so it's hubby's job to carry it in for me to sort, spray with stain remover, put in machine and add detergent.  It took me a couple hours to wash, dry and fold the clothes(although hubby does NOT understand WHY I fold it when it has to come out of the bag to be put away).
Unfortunately, this time, even though I thought I reminded hubby to bring the now clean clothes back to the truck it was forgotten. We didn't realize until we were 200 miles toward our delivery that the bag of clothes was NOT in the truck.  OH my!!!! Does that mean there will be some  naked Turks??? NO, because I always have extra clothes in the truck.    We called the terminal, and they took our big bag of clothes and LOCKED it up for us to pick up next time we are through there. It was maddening then, but now it seems funny, maybe because it shows that we are just like everyone else. We can forget.

This just means NEXT time, I will have to double and TRIPLE check.  Hopefully, we can get back to Laredo BEFORE we have to buy more clothes, IF we don't, well, I guess GOD wanted to teach us a lesson about forgetting things, or maybe he was telling us that HE has a sense of humor too.
I have realized that out here, you have to laugh at stupid things, even those we did ourselves. Without laughter, life is boring.  I hope this gives you a good laugh. I'm STILL laughing,


Proverbs 17:22:  A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones(KJV)

Birthday Reflections

All of us have wished from time to time that we were born in a different time or place. At least, I KNOW I have. However, as hubby and I stopped for dinner and the night in the state of my birth,  I realized that there wasn't a better time or place for me.

41 years ago,  I was only a few hours old, fighting to stay alive in an incubator, due to being born 6 weeks early. My parents were told it was going to be an uphill battle because my lungs were NOT fully developed yet.  They were also told that the fact that I was female gave me a fighting chance, from what I understand from morality rates at the time, odds were AGAINST male babies at the same age of gestation.

I was born at a military hospital, with a full team of military doctors and nurses watching my every breath. Years ago, I saw a  letter( tucked into my medical records)  that was written by the base commander to my dad. It said in part " The entire base is praying for her"

How cool is that to read? Would the same sentiment exist  now? Would I even be alive if born elsewhere or earlier?  NOT sure the answer would be yes.  That's kind of sad isn't it? With all the advances that have been made in 40 years, seems like we have gone backwards in certain areas.  I am positive that I would NOT be here if I was NOT born in the USA, as  most other countries are even further behind in technology.  In another era, would my life be considered "worthy" because of the problems I would have so therefore I would be "expendable"?  That is also sad to think about. Isn't that what makes this country great? Our differences?

Obviously, I have survived and it has NOT been easy. I've been teased, picked on, told I'm NOT a person, still have breathing problems(especially in winter) and other issues, mostly with walking, but I have survived to become a "productive" member of society( I hope.)  I will ALWAYS be grateful to the men and women who helped me survive that first crucial month of my life. I will ALWAYS be grateful that I was born in this country. I will be ALWAYS be grateful that to GOD all life is precious. He saw something in me that he could use and I'm glad I'm here to be able to.

So, while we may wish we were born in a different time or a different place, think what the world might be like if you weren't in it.  I'm betting that you'll realize what I did.

Jeremiah 1:5 (New King James Version)

⁵ “ Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
      Before you were born I sanctified you;
      I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

Storm Clouds and a Sunset

Why do I like living in a truck? Because I never know what I will see.  Earlier this week, in the midst of chaos going on I felt peace and calm.
Deciding to take to walk I noticed the sky. In one part of it, there were these mean looking clouds:

Even looking at these, I didn't feel scared. Just looked like GOD was getting ready to wash something he thought needed cleaned.
It did pour a little later, but I was already back in the truck by then.  Boy, did he clean!!!! The air smelled so nice after.









Before I went back to the truck, I walked a little further and saw this:

Thought it was interesting how that one cloud looked like it had a ready made path straight to heaven.
Seeing this beautiful sunset was reminding me that today is almost over and tomorrow will be a better day.
My heavenly father was right and I needed to know that on this day.






Through all our storms, be they because someone hurt you, misunderstood you, or just expects you to fix their mistakes, remember that GOD understands and he is there. He wants to help us, we just have to ask.

Matthew 11:28-29 (King James Version)

 ²⁸Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
 ²⁹Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.