Sunday, May 8, 2011

Tribute to Moms

 I am finding it difficult to write about  Mother's Day(even though I really feel like I should) because I am NOT on speaking tearms with my own. Not sure if it's difficult because it makes me sad that I don't have the relationship others do or because it makes me mad that life choices made by both of us have lead to bitterness, resentment, and hurt feelings, maybe it's a bit of both.
Rather than go into any detail(maybe I will in another post), let me just give the basics.  See I was a premature baby with numerous health issues as an infant and young child, which lead to an introverted, shy, afraid of authority(like a teacher) child.  Because of the policies at the time, I was allowed to begin my school career at age 4, when I lacked the mental comprehension or the physical stature to handle the stresses. When issues arose based on my lack of understanding, I wasn't given any guidance as to how to handle it.  I lacked friendships in school that I needed for my social development because my mom didn't like any of the students that wanted to help me.  Also because of my lack of understanding, I was NOT raised to be a mom. I think I looked at kids as dolls that you play with not really understanding that they are dependent on me for the essentials of living.
Thankfully, after much soul searching and prayer, I realized that I had limitations, and those limitations prevented me from being the parent that my children needed, so they live with a swell lady(who is a sister in every way that matters, except by blood) who is an AWESOME mom.  I like to think that I am too, for I made the best decision I could for them and they are happy and healthy.  I wish my own mom had understood that.
As a Christian, I am commanded to honor my father and MOTHER. For many years, I found that difficult to do, especially with my mom as I was equating honor with respect.  I couldn't honor her if I didn't respect her.   I still think it's unlikely I will ever communicate with her again, but I think I'm beginning  to understånd what is meant by honor and why are are put in the families we are.  Without the mom I had, I would NOT be here. Without the mom I had, I would NOT have found an awesome mom for my kids.  So for that I say, THANKS MOM!!!

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Exodus 20:12 (King James Version)


  1. Wow, great post. I have tried a couple times to piece together my thoughts on the matter into comment form, but there is really no way to do it. I can't begin to understand the situation you are in, nor can I pretend to. I just hope that even if you never speak to her again, you understand that she still shaped you into the strong human being you are today. Good luck with everything!


  2. Unfortunately, a repost is necessary...

    God gives us many travails through our lives. We choose, and often magnify our own troubles. It takes great courage to choose as you have. It takes great insight to recognize one's limitations. It takes even more courage to bring such difficult decisions to public light.

    Such a difficult decision as giving up one's children for their own sakes can not easily be imagined unless in similar shoes. I admire your decision, because it was obviously a painful one yet in your eyes the correct one. I will pray for you and your children, and hope that each of you know the peace you deserve. May there be love in your lives and the knowledge that love still connects you, in God's eyes.

    I can now fully understand 9394, as well. The love in your heart is always what is most important, in your children’s eyes as well as God’s eyes.

    May peace be with you, always.